Whither the twizzler harvest now?
As news of the Bernard Matthews turkey massacre continues to play dramatically across the 24-hour-news airwaves, I can't help feeling a twinge of glee at the loss of so depressing a food crop. Of course it's horrible that so many birds have to be killed, but, when it comes down to it, this is a crop we really should be able to do without. After their 20-weeks of miserable, dark existence, most of these birds would have been bagged up as anonymous oven-ready frozen monsters, with the rest processed as individual cuts and whatever weirdness has replaced the twizzler now that Jamie's banned it from the school menu. The result of this unnatural nonsense is tasteless, unappetising pap, just about recognisable as good value protein but far from being good to eat.
And yet according to my paper this morning we get through 2.7 million of Bernard's birds every Christmas. I'm slightly worried about where the other 5.3 million come from: I can only hope a good proportion are organic and free range, but I'm not convinced. So many people whinge about - and even dread - their Christmas roast, but if their dried-out offering was chosen frozen from the bargain basement, they've only got themselves to blame. Start saving now and get yourself a proper bird (as my mum keeps telling me).
Other turkey farmers in the area are obviously concerned about the long term effects of this flu outbreak, but, because they only rear non-intensively and for the fresh meat market, many have no birds at all at the moment and therefore no short-term worries. Good for them. Who knows? Maybe the sudden elimination of 160,000 factory-farmed turkeys will push up the price of the frozen specimens this year and more people will be tempted into paying just a little bit more for the real thing. Is that a flying pig? Hope it's had its jabs.
Rant over. For now...
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